From my personal journal entry on October 10, 2010:
Sometimes I think doctors are too logical for their own happiness, or at least to ever be personable. Meeting my new OB/GYN for my first appointment two days ago should have been a happy moment filled with optimism and excitement. But, I left Dr. Sellers' office feeling almost like a fool for having any enthusiasm for such a risky pregnancy. I even picked Dr. Matthew A. Sellers as my OB/GYN in hopes that his youthfulness would actually make him a bit less rigid and jaded. I may have been wrong.
After driving into Little Rock and waiting in his waiting room at the Cornerstone Clinic for Women, Jeff--wanting to take the day off to join me for support--and I were brought back to meet him. Both of us were excited, having rounded out our decision to stand firm with this pregnancy despite Dr. Dobbs' prior concerns. We held hands as we walked down the hall, excited to get more news on what were now calling the "miracle baby": It was like an echo to how we acted when we first started dating, with that odd breed of optimism that only happens out of a great case of caution thrown to the wind. Unfortunately, the joyfulness kind of trailed off from that point on.
Dr. Sellers is a nice enough guy, don't get me wrong. But, he made it clear from the starting off point that this pregnancy was going to need to be handled with a cautious optimism: My age could not be shrugged off. Because of this, he recommended that I maintain two appointments per month until the pregnancy reached seven months. Then, it would increase from there as he saw fit. He also pointed us in the direction of a genetic counselor to discuss testing options, just to be on the safe side. It was at this moment that I looked over at Jeff, and could swear I could see dollar signs popping up in his eyes like a slot machine in Vegas. His insurance from UCA, the UnitedHealthcare Choice Plus plan, made sure that doctors visits were between $20-$35. It was the testing that raised his concerns, as he knew that we paid 20% coinsurance with ever test. It was like I could read his mind: Was all of this really necessary?
Dr. Sellers reminded us, again, of the risks as if to read our minds. Chromosomal defects seemed like the key-phrase of the visit, just like Sesame Street's key word segment.
The conversation continue as he told us the due date to be April 29, 2011. He stressed the importance of prenatal vitamins, especially folic acid. I told him I was already on the ball with that, at least. He reminded me that my weight gain should not be excessive, that I should be eating as healthy as possible, and I should be maintaining a weekly low-impact workout. He ran through the list of what I can't have, the bad symptoms to feel, and the unfortunate reality that my clip had in fact slipped from my tubal ligation. But, on a lighter note, he reminded us of the value of sex and that made Jeff smirk.
Then, he went on to do a physical exam, pelvic exam, draw blood, and make me pee in a cup for urinalysis. I guess with that sentiment, and my fear of needles, it isn't surprising that this doctors visit wasn't living up to my idyllic scene of joyful celebration of this miracle pregnancy. But, it was good to know that he has the baby's best interest at heart.
So, the past two days, Jeff and I have been discussing the future. The first appointment with Dr. Sellers at least made the situation a crystal clear reality. We, again, agreed to use the vacation savings on the prenatal costs. We decided to set aside any money from my paintings and $500 from Jeff's monthly income to prepare for baby's first year and a college fund. We also decided that, since I am work-at-home artist, that it would be essential that we find a good babysitter for incidents that call me away for short spurts. And, we discussed the importance of finding some friends with babies to start building a community for the baby to associate with as he/she won't have siblings like Hyde and Jasper.
And, with that discussion, I decided to prepare myself with some reading matterial. I picked up the modern-day baby Bible, What to Expect When You're Expecting, and a few other reads by the same author on nutrition and the first year. I also grabbed some Mozart-for-babies CDs, as cheesy as that is. My defense is that it was on sale, and I'm a fan of Mozart anyway. Here's the receipt:
So, with a little help from books and doctors, it feels like I'm finally getting into the swing of being baby mama again. This is going to be a long road, just as Dr. Sellers continually reminded us, but every road can be walked with simply one foot in front of the other. And that small accomplishment is enough for me to celebrate, even if it is just that that the baby will soon start to look like a lizard instead of a tadpole.
